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Joke of the Day

"Nesta Carter was asked how he felt after winning a gold medal alongside Usain Bolt. ""That was dope!"""

"What's the difference between a blimp and a blow job every day? One's a Goodyear, the other's a fucking awesome year!"

"What's the difference between a chickpea and a lentil? I've never had a lentil all over my chest."

"Alan Rickman lost in the woods, leaving a trail of perfectly pronounced words"

"[drake deepthroating a fully cooked sausage] I'm on my wurst behavior"

"I'm going to name my first kid Authorized Personnel so they can go wherever they want in life."

"Women are weird. Hundreds of people can tell them they're beautiful but they'll obsess over the one person that doesn't."

"12: Dad, if Mary gave birth to Jesus and Jesus is the lamb of god, didn't Mary have a little lamb? Me: And you came with a no return policy"

"It's hard to write a good drinking song. I can never make it past the first few bars."

"The best joke that I have ever heard :) And the Lord said unto John, ""Come forth and you will receive eternal life"" But John came fifth, and won a toaster"