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Joke of the Day

"Scientists report global context shortage. ""I guess I'll have flan,"" some scientist said, totally out of context."

"I once dated a guy who left a trail of rose petals leading to a sinkful of dirty dishes."

"Test post pls ignore I TOLD U TO IGNORE IT"

"40% of divorces stem from $ issues. 40% are caused by infidelity. The remaining 20% have been linked to IKEA purchases requiring assembly."

"What do snakes take to combat their allergies? Anti-hissss-tamines!"

"Gangs should do drive-bys with t-shirt guns it'd be less violent & the shirt could say ""you suck"" so the target still gets the message"

"If I had to be in the military I'd probably pick sleeper cell agent cause I get tired a lot"

"How do you ask for a cigarette in spain? Tapas a snout!"

"""Dammit. I had shit planned today."" -- a spider being carried out of the house with a cup and piece of paper"

"Hello everyone this is your pilot speaking. If u look out the windows on your left youll see some fish. This is the worst Ive ever messed up"