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Joke of the Day

"I woke up hung-over to the sound of my neighbour mowing his lawn. He'll have to mow around me. I'm not moving."

"If God had a sense of humor, he would have asked Noah to bring a pair of termites on board."

"Did you hear about the kid who was outstanding at school? He came in when it started to rain."

"I saw a documentary on how ships are kept together Riveting"

"I heard the news about Mr. Ali's passing... I was pretty upset. So why am I in the mood for a giant chocolate shake?"

"Religion is like a penis It's perfectly acceptable to have one, but unacceptable to flaunt yours in public."

"What do you call a well-hung gay man? Fruit by the foot."

"Dear McDonald's cashier, Don't give me that look, there's no age limit on a happy meal. Sincerely, don't forget the toy b!tch."

"My goal weight is to stop hearing 'you have a great personality'"

"Tom & Jerry had the realest beef of all time..... nvr said a word.... it was jus on sight .."