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Joke of the Day

"I reported my bike stolen, now the thief can't use it anymore. Since the police is on it."

"What did the man who survived a javelin headwound say to his opponent? Thanks for opening my mind."

"Must spend less time with my dogs. Haven't bitten the mailman yet but I am starting to circle three times before sitting down."

"If you don't have any feelings watching a kid cry, most likely it's your kid."

"What kind of overalls does Mario wear? Denim denim denim"

"Went grocery shopping on an empty stomach and I only spent $9,000.00"

"Your parents didn't even want you... You would have been a blowjob if your mom had change for that $20."

"I'm not afraid of death, so much as I am of dying! I wanna die how my father died, peacefully in his sleep, not like his screaming terrified passengers! *Gotham, Mondays on Fox*"

"I joke but this Scotland thing is nuts. I mean...imagine if Canada ever tried to secede from the U.S."

"Dad Joke: Help! There's a letter coming out of the water! It's an emerging 'C'."