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Joke of the Day

"Me: I save a bunch of time by not having to tie my shoes. Her: What do you do with the time saved? Me: *tying my dogs shoes* Sorry, what?"

"""Hm. I love being bored and injured. I just wish it was also expensive and cold."" - the invention of skiing"

"I put my pants on one leg at a time, just like you. But sometimes I put both my legs in the same pant leg and pretend I'm a mermaid."

"It's like the women in this bar don't know how close I am to getting my own apartment."

"""We don't serve faster than light neutrinos here."" A neutrino walks into a bar."

"What concert is worth 45 cents? 50 cent with Nickelback"

"Why are the other numbers afraid of 7? Because 7 ate 9."

"Donald Trump ...Title says all."

"How did US felt when Trump is elected as the president? TRUMPmatized. (Traumatized, ^get^it?^ha^ha^kill^me^please )"

"So i uploaded this sick new video to Youtube... Yeah, it went viral"