117248

Joke of the Day

"""I heard that taking your shirt off can make you appear more aggressive and self-confident."" ""Ok, but we already said you got the job."""

"My grandfather always said: ""Don't look after your money, look after your health"" Once I was looking after my health and someone stole my money. It was my grandfather."

"What is the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? Beer nuts are a buck fifty, but deer nuts are under a buck!"

"If Mary had baby Jesus, and baby Jesus was the Lamb of God... Did Mary have a little lamb?"

"A dad asks 4-year-old son: ""How'd you sleep last night?"" Son says: ""umm... With my eyes closed?"" Edit: This actually happened btw. Probably funnier irl."

"You're an adult now. Stop lying about your life on Facebook and start doing it on LinkedIn"

"How do Muslims laugh? Muahahahamed Note: I don't have any prejudices against Islamic people."

"Your Momma's so fat... A Stormtrooper could hit her with a blaster shot."

"What's the hardest part about being a pedophile? Trying to fit in."

"If I had a dollar for every dollar I had... I would be a counterfeiter."