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Joke of the Day
"What is the painless frequency? 0 Hz"
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"A lot of people cry when chopping onions, but the trick.. ..is to not get emotionally attached."
"WHY *smack* DON'T *smack* YOU *smack* JUST *smack* USE *smack* THE *smack* RETWEET *smack* BUTTON?"
"While drinking my afternoon coffee, I oftentimes stare out the window... and ask myself: Would prison be all that bad?"
"If I opened a strip club I would have the girls wear BBQ scented perfumes. So when guys came home they could say they were at a Steak House."
"If you're trying to woo me without food... let me stop you right there."
"*arrives in hell* *Hey Ya starts playing* haha nice love this song *song ends* ... *Hey Ya starts playing* wait no"
"Indian Chief: What that bottle of vodka for? Me: I got it for my girlfriend. Indian Chief: Good trade."
"""i have good news & bad news"" wife: bad news 1st ""the washing machine broke"" wife: and the good news? ""the dogs are clean AF"""
"According to MyFitnessPal, I have been dead for 6 weeks."