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Joke of the Day

"2 drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff. Ba dum tss EDIT: spelling"

"I'm dying, call me an Ambulance. Dad: Okay Dying, you're an ambulance."

"Me: I want a pet dragon! Life: HERE'S A CAT WITH IRRITABLE BOWEL SYNDROME."

"*walks up to dealer* I would like 3 weeds please ""Are you a cop?"" No I love crime and tomfoolery ""..."" Could I also get a bushel of cocaine?"

"What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus? It only takes one nail to hang up a picture of Jesus."

"Either my cat is speaking English or that was not a vitamin I took...."

"Keep talking, someday you'll say something intelligent!"

"*on time travel bus* oh you're going back to kill hitler? uh yeah totally, me too *pulls jacket over spice girls world tour '98 t shirt*"

"My son can't handle going to camp this year. It's in tents"

"Red Bull gives you wings... Unless you're a unicorn. If you're a unicorn Red Bull gives you fins. .... Please tell me at least *someone* got that obscure punchline."