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Joke of the Day

"Her: Which actress would you like to get stuck in an elevator with? Me: One who knows how to fix elevators."

"[Later, Snake sees a Lizard] Snake (to God): DUDE! Seriously?? *God and Lizard high-five, adding insult to injury*"

"Why didn't the vampire feed off of Taylor Swift? She had Bad Blood."

"If I got a dollar every time a girl said I wasn't her type, I'd be her type."

"Did you hear about the priest who got caught kissing a nun? He was let off with a warning not to get into the habit."

"What do you call a strange Mexican man who owns a chocolate factory? Willy Juanka."

"How do you know if you're at a gay guys cookout?? The hot dogs taste like shit!"

"Cant' believe my horse came first yesterday!!' Dad, how many times have I told you i'm not interested in your's and Camilla's bedroom antics!'"

"I got a $100 bill tattooed on my penis.... My girlfriend asked why I did it, and I told her 'well you're always asking for money to blow...'"

"Why did Reddit have a rapid implosion/explosion this afternoon? I heard it had something to do with supermassive bodies."