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Joke of the Day

"I got a $100 bill tattooed on my penis.... My girlfriend asked why I did it, and I told her 'well you're always asking for money to blow...'"

"True procrastination is a lost art Those who completely mastered it's practice never got around to teaching anyone else their secrets."

"Knock, knock. Get off my porch!"

"I was sitting on the toilet, constipated... The undropped turd asked me, ""Man, what did you eat?!"" ""A pound of cheese,"" I said. The turd said, ""You're shittin' me."" I said, ""I shit you not."""

"A neckbeard is talking to his friend about his trip to the doctor. He said they found a tumor, it's... M'lignant"

"Narcissist? Let's just calm down with the big words and keep this conversation about me."

"My girlfriend spends all her money on expensive perfumes.. I feel like she has no common scents."

"If there is no complaining after a glass utensil is broken in your home... You can bet your ass it was broken by your mom."

"What's a pig's favourite casino game? Porker."

"A professor and a thespian walk into a Martin Chalifour concert... 69696969696969696969 lololololololololol"