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Joke of the Day

"I used to curcumcise elephants. The pay wasn't very good, but the tips were huge."

"Used way too much moisturizer and I may have to call in slick tomorrow."

"When I get a little tipsy I like to go to a random neighbourhood, knock on the door and say, ""Sarah Connor?""."

"Sometimes if I trip on a crack I act like it's no biggie by breaking into a jog and don't stop until I'm in a new city with a new life."

"If you play jazz backwards, you get slightly better jazz."

"A vegan, a crossfitter, and an atheist are sitting in a bar. But you wouldnt know it, thanks to the Texan telling you all about Texas"

"When I was young I used to pray for a bike, then I realized that God doesn't work that way, so I stole a bike and prayed for forgiveness."

"[1st day in heaven] God: Welcome! Have a taco and a shot of tequila. Do you like music? Me: Yeah. G: How about a little, *giggles* Nirvana?"

"In an alternate universe somewhere, all the ducks are making white girl faces."

"What did the great Ape say as he plummeted from the skyscraper? Listen baby I think I'm falling for you!"