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Joke of the Day

"I gave up cursing for lent The next day I went over to confession and told my priest, ""I hope I don't fuck this shit up."""

"How many men does it take to open a can of beer? None. She should have opened it as she brought it to you."

"Boy: You've got a face like a million dollars. Girl: Have I really? Boy: Yes ? it's green and wrinkly."

"The NHL's ability to punish players."

"I have conversational ninja skills... People don't notice when I'm talking."

"What do you call a bear with no teeth? Bare Grylls"

"*Adding family on Facebook* Before: Fuck bitches, smoke, drink! After: I helped an old lady cross the street."

"*sees person I know in a crowd* *waves enthusiastically* * realizes I don't know person* * changes enthusiastic wave to awkward fist pump*"

"How are genders like the twin towers? There used to be two of them but now everyone gets offended if you talk about it."

"Two fathers and two sons went duck hunting. Each shot a duck but they shot only three ducks in all. How come? The hunters were a man his son and his grandson."