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Joke of the Day

"[1st day in heaven] God: Welcome! Have a taco and a shot of tequila. Do you like music? Me: Yeah. G: How about a little, *giggles* Nirvana?"

"Taco Bell manager: I'm sorry, you didn't get the job. It's your drug test Me: so you mean... Manager: yes, you passed. Get high & re-apply"

"When someone pushes the ""2"" button in an elevator it should automatically announce their weight."

"A guy walks into a grocery store... And buys groceries."

"What do free masons do when they want to make a frame-by-frame remake of ""Back to the Future""? They Hire 'Em A Biff!"

"26 letters, minus the U. What do you get? A solipsistic Alphabet."

"GOD: Let's give her ALL the awesome. ""But what if it's TOO much awesome?"" GOD: Then we'll divide it evenly between multiple personalities."

"What did one lesbian vampire say to the other? Same time next month?"

"He stole my heart, so I stole his last name. Is the slogan of a very famous body parts and new ID shop in Mexico."

"How many choir directors does it take to change a light bulb? No one knows. No one ever watches the choir director."