116830

Joke of the Day

"What does David Bowie do after he gets out of the swimming pool? He ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-changes. (Sorry if repost)"

"Omg what a weekend - I don't need to eat again for the rest of this year. Is that cheesecake?"

"Nick Clegg I just found out he was a politician! I thought Nick Clegg was just what you do to stop Oscar Pistorius from getting away."

"Hate it when i accidentally drink a small amount of a carbonated beverage and my body is unable to release the gas and i pop like a seagull."

"Today at school, my teacher said I needed to stop doing my impression of a Flamingo That's when I had to put my foot down. EDIT: some shit"

"What do you get when you mix alcohol and literature? Tequila mockingbird"

"Every year fewer people train to become morticians. Some say it's a dying business."

"I promised myself to quit smoking once I graduated. So I dropped out."

"Max the camel walks into his parents' room at 2am and asks for a glass of water. His dad says, ""Another one? That's the second glass this month."""

"I had an odd-job man in to help me do some work around the house. I gave him a list of 10 things to do. He only did numbers 1, 3, 5, 7 and 9."