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Joke of the Day

"Every year fewer people train to become morticians. Some say it's a dying business."

"Mix it up a little. Text a random phone number the following msg: ""The fat one won't fit into the woodchipper. What do you want me to do?"""

"Why did the US invade Iraq when Steven Seagal's ponytail contains 85% of the worlds natural resources?"

"I'm a simple man. I just want to be rich and powerful enough to always get what I want. Nothing more."

"Visitor: Wow you have a lot of flies buzzing round your horses and cows. Do you ever shoo them? Cowboy: No we just let them go barefoot."

"Can a ninja scale a wall in a single leap? Shuriken."

"Apparently SeaWorld CEO has declared an end to kissing and dancing for its performing Orcas... Now those whales will know how I felt at my high school prom!"

"Rafael Nadal got done by an Australian teenager today at Wimbledon. Rolf Harris is having raging fits of jealousy."

"When I asked my girlfriend why she was breaking up with me, she said ""Because you're a pedophile!"". I replied ""That's an awfully big word for a twelve year old."""

"A Nicki Minaj song makes way more sense if you make up your own lyrics."