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Joke of the Day

"Sex is like Maths: You add the bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray you don't multiply."

"[first day as a doctor] You seem depressed. Also you look underweight, how's your diet? [nurse interrupts me] ""Dr that's the model skeleton"""

"I just saw an 8 year old hipster. Your move, apocalypse."

"Apparently, saying I prefer the babysitter not have a gag reflex isn't as appropriate as it seemed when I wrote the ad."

"Chuck Norris had to stop washing his clothes in the ocean. The tsunamis were killing people."

"Uncle Bill always gave 100% Son: How did he die Dad? Dad: He donated blood."

"You want to know the only thing wrong with rap music? It doesn't have a C in front of it."

"I've been told that I'm very condescending That means I talk down to people"

"What did one tower say to the other? I've got a plane to catch"

"When children ask me where rain comes from, I pat their heads, shimmy up the nearest flag pole, and urinate on them."