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Joke of the Day

"I need a man, not a boy. They will have much more structurally sound ideas for me to bypass the lava floor and make it to the blanket fort."

"""I wasn't that drunk!"" Dude, you told my mom you're no weather man, but she can expect a couple inches tonight."

"Answer: 9W Question: Does your name begin with a V Herr Wagner?"

"Joke from my childhood: What do you call a pig that losses its voice? Disgruntled"

"A sheep, a drum, and a snake fall off a cliff... Baa dum tssssss"

"[spelling bee] Your word is ""spider"" Can you use it in a sentence? ""A spider has eight eyes."" [kid smiles] Spider. S-P-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-D-E-R"

"What's a Russian's favorite Italian dish? Pepperoni Picza!"

"We get it poets: things are like other things"

"My wife must be the slowest reader ever. I bought her a Kindle last Christmas and she still hasn't finished it."

"My celebrity status application was denied Because I marked ""no"" in the section saying ""I support clobbering women"""