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Joke of the Day

"[Girl over my house] ""My ex boyfriend had this weird one-man-band thing. You dont, right?"" [Unclipping my harmonica holder] Def not."

"What the difference between an IS training camp and a primary school? There aren't many paedos in the camp."

"Just finished a puzzle in only two weeks! I'm pretty proud of myself, because the box said 3-5 years."

"[Concert] Triangle player: *proudly playing his triangle [Octagon player struts on stage] Triangle player: ""What the-"""

"Quite a few people aren't aware that I studied abroad for a year. Alas, she didn't teach me anything I didn't already know."

"a human mens penis has not evolved in hundreds of years, im going to take it to strange new places. i'll improve the dick. ill make it safer"

"Why are trombones the sexiest instruments in the orchestra? Because they can be played in seven positions and you have to oil the slide."

"Have you heard about the cannibal that passed his brother in the woods... ...?"

"#presidentfacts Barack Obama is the first president in nearly 80 years to choose a water type as his starting Pokemon"

"Yo mama is so fat ... she might die from a Cardiovascular Disease"