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Joke of the Day

"Quite a few people aren't aware that I studied abroad for a year. Alas, she didn't teach me anything I didn't already know."

"Driving and trying to read twitter, I just ran over a poodle. Unfortunately I drive a Yaris. My car got a dent and the poodle got annoyed."

"What do you call an extremely flamboyant loaf of bread? A faggette"

"Give a man a fish & he'll eat for a day. Give a man a jelly fish and you can pee on him."

"What did the tampon say to the other? Nothing; they were both stuck up cunts!"

"I'm aging like an avocado. By the time I finally noticed my prime it was too late."

"Dad: Let's talk, we never talk. Me: Okay. I kinda wanna tell you something... Dad: You can tell me anything. Me: I'm Batman. Dad: Get out."

"What happened to the cannibal who was late for dinner? He got the cold shoulder."

"Kristen Stewart always looks like she just found out she was adopted."

"I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger... ...But then it hit me"