114847

Joke of the Day

"Had a dream that someone was gently rubbing my forehead with sandpaper. Woke up to find my cat gently rubbing my forehead with sandpaper."

"We really need to stop with the cute names for devastating storms. Winter Storm Voldemort would be taken much more seriously."

"Donald Trump and the 2016 Presidential Election I would make a political joke about it but then it would get elected."

"Why don't your balls like being chomped on? It makes them a bit teste."

"If all women said yes There would be no more rape."

"[ This one from the great /u/KingOfRibbles ] ""My sink was a bit dirty-"" ""-but all it needed was a little ...wiping!!!"""

"Sorry I declined your Facebook friend request, but I can't have those sideburns popping up in my news feed unannounced."

"Why can't two even numbers be together? The odds are against them."

"[end of interview] Any questions for me? Yes. Why didn't the glass slipper also disappear at midnight? YOU ARE SO HIRED."

"I'm not an alcoholic. I'm soberphobic."