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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between someone who can mend your pants quick and a famous singer? One of them is a swift tailor."

"[Wall Street] ME: haha Hump Day, amiright? HUMPTY DUMPTY *rolls eyes* ME: eh? *nudge* HD: Dude don't- ME: eh? *harder nudge* EH? Oh shit"

"The inventor of auto-correct has died His funfair will be next monkey."

"What sport do Japanese people watch? Desuball"

"Why did the chicken cross the road? To see his girlfriend on the other side, but then he got taken by McDonalds and crushed for chicken nuggets."

"There's a difference between racism and fact... Niggers are stinky - fact"

"My resolution this year was to learn Spanish, and that only lasted about dos weekos."

"I picked up a hitchhiker. You gotta when you hit them."

"What did Tennessee? The same thing Arkansas!"

"What did the left tit say to the right tit? If we don't get some support soon, people are going to think we're nuts!"