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Joke of the Day

"How many dyslexics does it screw to take in a lightbulb?"

"HR: Sir, why is your secretary standing with tens of underwear in hand? Boss: Damn, I asked her to debrief all the interns before the meeting."

"They say you should never run when you stumble across a lion in the wild. I don't think I'll be able to run with all the shit in my pants."

"When someone says something is great, I take that as a personal challenge to not enjoy it."

"I'm saving up my money for a sex change operation... ...and I don't care how much my wife protests it. I wanted a boy, dammit."

"Why do they call it Almond Milk? Because if they called it Nut Juice nobody would buy it."

"solipsist joke I'm a solipsist, and frankly, I'm surprised there aren't more of us."

"I'm excited for the Supreme Court to finally let us know if gay people are human beings."

"A man calls in sick... ""It's my eyes,"" he says. ""What's wrong with them?"" his boss asks. ""I just can't see myself coming to work today."""

"How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?"