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Joke of the Day

"A man calls in sick... ""It's my eyes,"" he says. ""What's wrong with them?"" his boss asks. ""I just can't see myself coming to work today."""

"How a phone recall works. Samsung: Send us your exploding phone. Microsoft/Nokia: A software update will fix that. Apple: You are using it wrong."

"So the jerk store called and they're running out of HB2!"

"Saw a picture of Justin Bieber on a horse. It looked as natural as sauerkraut on a bean bag chair."

"Why did the lawyer refuse to take payment when defending the lead singer of U2? Because he said he was pro Bono."

"If your job ever feels pointless... just remember somebody is the fact checker for Buzz Feed."

"My father works as a statistician at Ford. He must be pretty well-respected there, people are always asking for his auto graph."

"Guy brings a giraffe into a bar... The giraffe passes out on the floor and the bartender says ""hey, you cant leave that lyin there."" The guy says ""it's not a lion, it's a giraffe."""

"Why did Princess Diana cross the road? Inertia"

"Ever find yourself masturbating and realize that you've already watched this episode of Trading Spaces?"