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Joke of the Day

"My wife said she'd like another baby... ... I agreed, the one we have is fucking annoying!"

"Pepper spray does not taste like pepper."

"A boy asks his mother a question Boy: ""Mom, why's my cousin named Jasmine?"" Mom: ""That's because your aunt likes flowers."" Boy: ""Mom, what do you like?"" Mom: ""Oh, be quiet Richard"""

"""Last Christmas"" is a strange song. It's been 12 months and we're just now addressing this situation?"

"If you love something, let it go. If it doesn't comeback, tell everyone she has herpes."

"I tried to steal a didgeridoo from a museum... I didgeri-shouldn't-have-done-that. 3 years...."

"[at the gym] ME: Hey, can you spot me? GUY: Sure, which machine? ME: *gestures to vending machine* Right over there"

"Sorry I missed your call. I was peeing and had both hands full."

"What's the hardest part of skydiving? The ground."

"Teacher: What is can't short for ? Pupil: Cannot miss Teacher: and what is don't short for Pupil: Doughnut !"