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Joke of the Day

"What's the hardest part of skydiving? The ground."

"Wine improves with age. I improve with wine."

"Her: Is breakfast almost ready? Me: Yeah, I just have to drain the sausage. Her: Can't we please wait till after breakfast for that?"

"What do you call it when you get stuck into a shotgun wedding with a Czech? Checkmate!"

"My friend asked what would get black walnut stains off of his driveway I told him to call a cheap motel. If anyone would know how to remove nut stains it would be them."

"Always get double toppings on take out pizza so you can eat one of the toppings off as an appetizer during your drive home."

"Why was the empty penis so scary? Because it was a hollow wiener (halloweener) [works better spoken - I think - just made it up in the shower]"

"I've found that nowadays most people don't like holding hands in public. Especially if you don't know them."

"If you screwed up something in a science lab, who do you tell? **Not** Neil deGrasse cause he will grass on you!"

"My wife worships me She puts burnt offerings in front of me everyday"