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Joke of the Day

"Finally figured out that 'YOLO' is 'carpe diem' in douchebag."

"What did Emma Sulkowicz get for her birthday? I don't know but I'll tell you what she didn't get. Raped"

"I mentioned my back pain to my dad in passing today. His reply? ""At least it's all behind you."""

"Why do shower heads have 11 holes? Because -(insert group of people associated with the holocaust)- only have 10 fingers."

"Chuck Norris doesn't flush, he scares the crap out of it."

"You see me wildly flailing my arms. Did I: a) Walk through a spider web? b) Try to wrap something in Saran wrap? c) Try to use Scotch tape?"

"*Girl attempting to count to ten* girl 1: 1....3....5....7....9.... girl 2: What the hell? Why are you skipping numbers? girl 1: Because I can't even!!!"

"What did the Cherokee-Polish couple name their firstborn? Running Stupid"

"Can we talk about your pleated, cuffed corduroys, or are we just going to let it happen?"

"Never go to a combination dentist / proctologist..... but if you do, get the dental work first."