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Joke of the Day

"I cheated on my wife once. We were playing monopoly and when she wasn't looking I stole some of her money. Then I went upstairs and fucked her sister."

"Why did Obama take all the pens when he left the White House? Because trumps bringing his own pence."

"*Stubs cigarette out in palm to look tough* *waits till everyone leaves* *takes out cell phone* Hello 911? Please send all your ambulances"

"Islam Is a religion of peace"

"Grocery stores nowadays have amazing selection We have powdered milk, powdered orange juice, powdered eggs, baby powder..."

"In Pokemon, I never understood why bug types were supereffective against dark types. But then I thought about malaria in Africa and it all made sense."

"I'm throwing myself a circumcision party tomorrow, so anybody with a scalpel and a steady hand, stop on by. Jews welcome only with gift."

"Why did the criminal get released from prison after he wrote a short essay? He had served his sentence."

"How come ambassadors never get sick? They have diplomatic immunity."

"Who did the Indian Girl choose to Marry? No one. Her parents chose for her."