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Joke of the Day

"911: 911, what seems to be the emergency? Me: My nephew just hit the wall while running 911: Haha Me: Haha 911: Ok paramedics are on the way"

"This beautiful woman is winking at me right now. Now she's using the other eye. Oh never mind. She's falling asleep."

"Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? He didn't have the guts."

"Welcome to plastic surgery addicts anonymous I see a lot of new faces here this week, and I just want you to know I'm disappointed."

"*walks up to dealer* I would like 3 weeds please ""Are you a cop?"" No I love crime and tomfoolery ""..."" Could I also get a bushel of cocaine?"

"[Phone with Mom] ""Did you just friend request me?"" I'm on fb now ""I'm not adding you"" Fine do your own laundry then *accepts friend request*"

"What job do you never stop training for? Conductor"

"What did baby corn say to mommy corn? Where's popcorn?"

"5 people hurt themselves by accidentally discharging guns at gun shows. Maybe the best way to handle gun nuts is to just let them have guns."

"What do you say if your mom sees you having sex? You say: Look mom, no hands!"