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Joke of the Day

"911: 911, what seems to be the emergency? Me: My nephew just hit the wall while running 911: Haha Me: Haha 911: Ok paramedics are on the way"

"How are getting popular in high school and getting a college woman pregnant similar? Step one: penetrate the student body."

"Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff. Buh dum tss!"

"Now I lay me down to sleep I pray the Lord my soul...to keep... If I shall die before I wake-- Yah, I really don't like where this is going."

"What's a pirates favorite letter? Aargh you think it would be but it's the sea"

"Anyone who says their wedding day was the best day of their life, has never had 2 candy bars fall down at once from a vending machine."

"Did you hear about the rabbi who had a wallet made out of foreskins? He could rub it and turn it into a suitcase."

"""Doctor! Doctor! I think I may have Alzheimers!"" ""We had this discussion last week, Mr. Smith."""

"I got an anonymous letter today. Oh really - who was it from?!"

"I'll be signing copies of my tweets this Friday at Barnes & Noble in Salt Lake City! Just meet me by the bathrooms at 5:30 & bring a pen."