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Joke of the Day

"Me: Would you remarry if I died? Wife: Yes. Me: What?!? Would you at least WAIT awhile? Wife: Depends. Are you dead because I killed you?"

"I'm starting to think my crippled neighbor is gay. I am not sure if I should call him a fruit or a vegetable"

"my credit score"

"Why couldn't the man leave Moscow? He was Snowden."

"What do you get if you cross a parrot with a centipede ? A great walkie-talkie !"

"I wanted a dog. My wife wanted a cat. We had to compromise so we got a cat."

"Did you hear the Energizer bunny got arrested? He was charged with battery."

"I like my women like I like my doctors Always asking me to take my clothes off whenever I see them."

"I took my dog to the vet The vet picked up the dog and examined him and said ""I'm sorry, I've got to put him down"". ""Why, what's wrong with him?"" ""He's too heavy"""

"Hair so long she accidentally flushed herself down the toilet"