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Joke of the Day

"Why don't seagulls fly by the bay? Because then they would be called Bagels!"

"Wow thank you so much for whistling at me, guy in Walmart. I've never felt more beautiful."

"This just popped in my head... What's a mexican's favorite Disney movie? Mow lawn. Sorry."

"[God creating beards] ADAM: God, I don't like my face. GOD: Tell ya what, buddy: I'll cover it in pubes. ADAM: What? That's not GOD: Done."

"Because im a bad ass! Why did I put the punchline up there?"

"Why do divers fall backwards into the water? If they fell forwards they'd still be in the boat."

"The Middle Ages Queen: Babe come to bed its late. King: Not until I can come up with a cool name for my soldiers! Queen: k night. King: holy shit you're a genius!"

"I like to think that hobos that talk to themselves are just recording a podcast."

"Well - It's not the first time Donald has left a Bush disappointed..."

"Why is 6 afraid of 7? because 7 is a registered sex offender."