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Joke of the Day

"What do you get when you cross a ring-tailed lemur with a U-Haul truck? I'm not sure, but I know ***IT LIKES TO MOVE IT, MOVE IT***"

"Why don't prostitutes vote? They don't care who gets in"

"What did Eric Garner's wife say to him? Would it kill you to go sell a few cigarettes? too soon?"

"If you are anti-abortion... Are you pro youth-in-asia?"

"What do you call a black guy flying a plane? Pilot, you fucking racist!"

"You ever hear about the guy who goosed the ghost? He got a handful of sheet."

"My friend told me I don't know what irony is Which was ironic, because we were at a bus stop."

"[enter password] *Correct* [your password is incorrect] Me: ahh that's right *incorrect* Login Successful"

"That deli has a reputation for sub-par hoagies, ...but the one I had was exactly average."

"*bursts into bank EVERYONE DOWN ON THE GROUND *everyone lies down EVERYONE CLOSE THEIR EYES *everyone closes their eyes EVERYONE NAP"