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Joke of the Day

"That deli has a reputation for sub-par hoagies, ...but the one I had was exactly average."

"There is only 2 things you need to know to succeed in life 1. Never help anyone succeed. 2."

"Q. Where did Capt. Hook buy his prosthesis? A. At a secondhand store."

"7 y/o daughter: Why don't they have tape for your burrito but you could eat the tape? And now I know what Einstein's parents felt like"

"Did you hear about the Hipster that drowned in the canal? It wasn't mainstream."

"I had consensual sex with a dementia sufferer... It was like HBO's Lost, it was okay when it started but by the end of it no one knew what was happening."

"Parliament should learn from Twitter, thousands of people shout here doing nothing productive, yet it never gets adjourned."

"Want to hear a good joke? Me too."

"What did the blind man say to the blind man? Long time no see."

"captain: enemy sub approaching, activate the sauna 1st mate: dont you mean sonar captain (already in towel): full steam ahead"