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Joke of the Day

"""I have 29 seconds left to live... Please let me just hear our song before I die"" Anything you want! *googles song* *30 second ad plays* NOO"

"Why did the US invade Iraq when Steven Seagal's ponytail contains 85% of the worlds natural resources?"

"McCain Will Buy Houses From Needy Owners Of Beachfront Mansions- ""If The Price Is Right"""

"Why aren't there any female butchers? Because anytime they touch meat it turns to bone."

"When I die I want my group project members to lower me into my grave So they can let me down one last time."

"A police officer just knocked on my door... and told me my dogs were chasing people on bikes. Pfft, my dogs don't even own bikes, idiot."

"A Greek, an Irishman and a Portuguese spend the evening drinking in a bar. Who picks up the tab? The German."

"I'm investigating the tooth fairy, and it's going well... I've managed to get a molar into her operation. I'm going to find out the tooth at the root of all this."

"No one in my entire life has believed in me more than the waiter who just gave me a single napkin to use while eating my lunch"

"I hate it when crazy people say Poseidon told them they are the ninja turtles and I don't even remember I told them so."