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Joke of the Day

"A Cleveland Browns fan passed away In his will, he wrote that he wanted 6 players from the team to serve as his pallbearers, so that they could let him down one last time."

"My wife phoned me, panting and breathless. ""Where are you?"" she moaned. ""I'm at the pub."" I replied. She said, ""I think the baby's coming!"" I said, ""Well, he won't get in. He's underage."""

"I have only one resolution. To rediscover the difference between wants and needs. May I have all I need and want all I have........ Happy New Year!"

"All I'm saying is, China could have a much better relationship with the West if they shared their dragons with us but whatever be that way."

"Talking to my friend about how useless I am with ladies... Me: ""I even had to stand on a damn ladder yesterday just to kiss my date goodnight..."" Him: ""Wow, was she tall?"" ""No, she hung herself."""

"Cows should really stop putting ""delicious"" on their resumes."

"This headline stunned me- ""Mars to reduce carbon emissions"" Until I realized it was the candy maker ... and not the planet."

"What part of the body did the chiropractor fix when Eminem came in? *Shady's back* "

"*calls boss* Me: I can't come to work. Boss: Why not? Me: Gotham city needs me. Boss: ...You're not Batman. Me: Oh, yes, yes, exaaaactly."

"Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella? Fo Drizzle.."