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Joke of the Day

"The D word that everyone's been feeling at work is depression. I guessed the wrong word, apparently. Aaaaand there's HR calling me. Brb."

"The US Defense budget is 40x bigger than NASA's. It's surprising we actually went to the moon instead of blowing it up."

"Why didn't Anne Frank finish her diary? She needed more concentration."

"I removed Sean Connery's limbs & replaced them with Daniel Craig's arms & Pierce Brosnan's legs. They formed an unlikely Bond."

"Have you decided on dinner? ""Yes, I'll have the chicken, grilled."" Very good. *hears waiter yelling at chicken* WHERE WERE YOU LAST TUESDAY"

"Wife-CAN YOU CLEAN UP? Me-*Quietly mutters- I don't work for you! 3-*runs out of room yelling- DADDY SAYS HE DOESN'T WORK FOR YOU!"

"What's it called when a blonde dyes her hair brunette? Artificial Intelligence."

"What's yellow on the outside and grey on the inside ? An elephant disguised as a banana !"

"Whats the Diffrence Between Hitler and Usain Bolt? One can acctualy finish a race"

"When I've had a bad day I remind myself that I'm a straight white guy. Then I high five some dudes and we destroy an ecosystem or some shit."