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Joke of the Day

"My computer is so slow . . . . . . I get a progress bar when I copy and paste . . . text."

"Why did the guitarist go to prison? For fingering a minor."

"I bet the first person to keep track of his age was a gigantic tool ""This is my 24th winter"" Shut up and help us kill this boar, Stuart"

"What is it called when a turtle is mentally retarded? Reptile disfunction. ."

"did you hear about the guy with five penises? his pants fit like a glove."

"My therapist told me the reason I have a lower sex life than I want Is because I misinterpret what people are telling me. I'm pretty sure she wants my dick."

"don't worry, if there's a third world war, the United States won't be involved because it's a first world country"

"Honey.... Where are my paaannts.??"

"I was telling this chick how I almost died during childbirth and she asked me when I'm having another one. I SAID I ALMOST DIED, CRAZY LADY."

"Sorry to interrupt, but the personal story you're in the middle of telling reminds me of how much I love attention."