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Joke of the Day

"What is it called when a turtle is mentally retarded? Reptile disfunction. ."

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"What's the definition of a Russian elevator? A Chechen presses a button and five floors come down."
"What do bears take at raves? Maully."
"Why did the illiterate man with the 3 foot penis get dumped by his girlfriend? TLDR"
"Change is always hard.... Especially when a jar of it falls on your head."
"*guy shows me his Chinese character tattoo* ""It means wisdom"" *I show him a Batman BandAid on my arm* ""It means I was brave at the doctor"""
"How can you tell if a girls tinder profile is fake? They're attractive!"
"Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house? Of course, a house doesn't jump at all."
"Hey son, I know you're 5 years old and you think monsters are under your bed, so here's a gun, just start shooting if you hear anything"
"Life tip! (Joke) When someone tells you to expect the unexpected, slap them and ask if they expected it!"