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Joke of the Day

"The fact that crocodile ate your enemy, does not make him your friend."

"Don't talk to me until I've had my coffee! Haha jk, we can talk. How many of the commemorative state quarters have you collected? I have 40."

"And I thought I had issues. - Me, 36 seconds after signing up on twitter."

"Why did the ghost cross the road? To come back from the other side."

"You can now buy candy unwrapped and avoid any effort at all to eat it. USA! USA!"

"My math teacher called me average. How mean!"

"Henry David Thoreau walks into a bar. The bartender says: We don't serve your kind here! Thoreau replies: Walden. I'll see myself out."

"You cant expect an honest person to beat Usain Bolt... Only a cheetah can."

"You haven't seen true happiness until you've looked into the face of a white person when The Cha Cha Slide comes on at a wedding."

"[ER] Me: I CANT FEEL MY LEGS AM I DYING DOC? Dr: *loosens my belt*unbuttons my pants* Me: is this appropriate? *blood returns to legs* oh."