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Joke of the Day

"A Burglar got into the house of a Lawyer the other day... After a terrible struggle, the Lawyer succeeded in robbing him."

"I think my entire family is racist.. I was dating a white woman and eventually brought her to my home to meet my family. My wife and kids never even wanted to speak to her."

"Girl, if your beauty was represented in stocks, I'd invest everything... Because you're at an all-time low. (Use it to seal the deal on Valentine's Day)"

"When I was about 14/15 I wanted to be a plumber, then I wanted to be a firefighter, then pizza delivery man,then I stopped watching porn."

"I'm starting to think I'm going to be that guy that dies while Googling 'symptoms of a heart attack'."

"My little old fish didn't move around in her bowl all day. i thought she was dead but it turns out she was just going through minnow pause."

"What's big, bounces, and makes little kids cry? My donation check to the orphanage."

"""I'd like two scoops of ice cream, please."" ""Chocolate or vanilla?"" ""Yes."" ""Yes what?"" ""Yes, Sir, ice cream man, Sir!"""

"So in 60,000 years the only thing the Aborigines have invented was a returning stick. Oh i meant to post this on /r/facts"

"I was going to post my best Madeline McCann joke but my parents would kill me"