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Joke of the Day

"When I was about 14/15 I wanted to be a plumber, then I wanted to be a firefighter, then pizza delivery man,then I stopped watching porn."

"I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later."

"Kristen Stewart is unable to be here today, so accepting the award on her behalf is this large bowl of cold mashed potatoes."

"What's the difference between Tuna, a Piano, and a bottle of Glue? You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna!"

"So Goldilocks is casing the bears' house, figuring she can heist their stash of crystal meth, when all of a sudden ... . . . Andrew Dice Clay sticks his head in the door and says ..."

"What would Apple laptops be called if Steve Jobs had been Irish? McBook Eyre"

"Where were these Terrorists when Seth Rogen did the Green Hornet?!?!?"

"Doctor: ""I'm afraid you have Alzheimer's AND you have Lupus..."" Patient: ""...well at least I don't have Lupus."""

"There's good climate in heaven, but a better company in hell."

"Emo Kids: you've seen one, you've seen the mall"