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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend hired a midget to play the keyboards at my birthday party I think she misunderstood me. I did not say I wished I had a 12 inch pianist."

"I masturbate about myself masturbating about myself masturbating... Inceptcestuous."

"Yesterday 9 asked what's the meaning of life and 6 punched him, but that was yesterday when I was on acid. Numbers don't usually talk to me."

"Sorta miss my kid today. Guess it's true what they say about not knowing what you've got until you've sold it to a gypsy."

"I secretly bought some new trousers without telling my girlfriend Do you think chinos?"

"""IS THERE A DOCTOR ON THE PLANE???"" [i stand up super fast & knock myself out on the luggage compartment, requiring another doctor]"

"I gain a lot of calories when I go to nutrition class... because it's so damn dry."

"What do Roman Doctors call I.V.s? Fours"

"I used to hang out with a guy who was covered in mushrooms. He was an all around fun guy."

"Why Romeo could not meet Juliet at an Apple Store? Poor Juliet! Did not know Apple stores don't have Windows!"