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Joke of the Day

"I'm going to name my daughter ""Up""... so when she brings a boy home, I can look him straight in the eye and say, ""Don't you dare fuck up."""

"They're creepy and they're kooky, Mysterious and spooky, They're all together ooky The Twitter Family *click click*"

"What do you call a black person flying an airplane? A pilot, you fucking racist!"

"I've just started a band. Were called Missing Cat might of even seen the posters for us."

"Operator: 911, what's your emergency? Me: YES HELLO DO BEES SLEEP AT NIGHT?"

"Life tip: do stuff even though it's hard and you suck at it"

"I posted a selfie and someone commented ""Oh my! That was brave.""."

"What is the best part about having sex with twenty eight year olds There are twenty of them"

"What do you call a blonde who dyes her hair brunette? Artificial intelligence *edit: I kinda thought it was funny, and* poof *it has 3000 upvotes. Thanks for the motivation*"

"Two baloons meet each other in a garden shop... The first one says to the other: Don't go that way, there's a cactussssssssssssssssssssssssssssss"