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Joke of the Day

"Why does government matter? It doesn't."

"Autocorrect is changing correctly spelled words. I'm starting to think it has a mind of its AUTOCORRECT IS HARMLESS. GO ABOUT YOUR BUSINESS."

"I don't know anything about golf... ...but I just watched it on TV for a couple minutes. It looks really easy. I'm sure I could get a very high score."

"Dad, what's a Freudian slip? Well son, it's when you say one thing and mean your Mother...I mean another."

"Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over? Me: Honestly I'm so shit faced I have no idea."

"""Dance like the photo's not being tagged, Love like you've never been unfriended, Status Update like nobody's following."""

"What did quantum consciousness say to its son? Your awareness differentiates to the expansion of experiences and freedom impacts the expression of the phenomena in reality to quantum belonging."

"If we allowed all banned substances - just think about how exciting sports would be"

"What did the buffalo say to his boy before leaving for work? Bye, son."

"What is a hooker in Alaska called? A frostitute!"