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Joke of the Day

"I don't know anything about golf... ...but I just watched it on TV for a couple minutes. It looks really easy. I'm sure I could get a very high score."

"Pete Townshend and Roger Daltrey are to star in a new film, a murder mystery set at a music festival. It's a Whodunnit."

"Is it necessary for the first square of toilet paper to be glued down? Not all of us are surgeons."

"Doctor Doctor I'm on a diet and it's making me irritable. Yesterday I bit someones ear off. Oh dear that's a lot of calories!"

"TIFU by firing a torpedo at an ally submarine Whoops, wrong sub."

"Love, ethnic food, & the end of the world. What do you kiss on a Mexican dish that will trigger the end of the world? El Taco Lips."

"""Son do you know how to tell if a pineapple is ripe?"" *throws pineapple against grocery store wall* ""Ah nuts that was a good one."""

"They ran out of bread at the Indian restaurant, but it turned out nobody cared. It was a naan issue."

"I spend way too much time deciding on whether I should use ""Lol"", ""Lmao"", ""Rofl"", or ""Haha"" in my text message."

"Me: ""What's the haps, yo?"" 19yo niece: ... Me: ... 19yo niece: ... Me: ""I'm sorry."""