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Joke of the Day

"""He's gone too far."" ""He crossed the line between science & ethics."" ""He's playing God."" -reaction to the amount of cheese I put in omelets"

"What's the difference between white time and black time (Warning. Dad joke) The size of their clock."

"Interviewer: If I called your former boss right now and asked him- Me: *smacks the phone out of his hand* don't do that"

"What do you call a Gay Jew? A Heblew"

"What's the difference between a triangle and Manchester United ? A triangle has three points"

"What did Oliver Twist say at the slave auction? Please sir, I want some moors."

"Did you hear about the guy who thought he performed brain surgery on himself? Turned out, it was all in his head."

"Million dollar idea: let's start a Twitter swear jar"

"Man hospitalized with 6 plastic horses up his ass Doctors describe his condition as stable"

"I'm switching all of my clocks to a 24-hour format... ...making it much easier to wait til 5 o'clock to start drinking"