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Joke of the Day

"Interviewer: If I called your former boss right now and asked him- Me: *smacks the phone out of his hand* don't do that"

"I send thank you cards to people that don't invite me to their weddings"

"NICE SPREAD you know where there are certain things you're not supposed to eat buy you cant help yourself? that's why I can never be a gynecologist"

"Two roommates were arguing... About who gets to use the microwave first. Then things started getting heated."

"When I grow up, I want to spend 1/3 of my life sleeping, 1/3 staring at a computer in a tiny cubicle and 1/3 hating myself. (realistic kid)"

"Vegan ribs are actually delicious! The hardest part is hunting down the vegan."

"I can't believe rattlesnake warnings are called rattles and not cautionary tails"

"If pronouncing my b's as v's makes me sound Russian... .... then soviet."

"What do you call a group of physicians with erectile dysfunction? Doctors Without Boners"

"Test post pls ignore I TOLD U TO IGNORE IT"