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Joke of the Day

"A man walks into a bar... A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: ""A beer please, and one for the road."""

"Nobody wants to talk about the elephant in the waiting room, but he has an appointment."

"twitter: the only place where you get excited when a stranger follows you"

"Anything you say can and will be held against you boobies"

"What happened before the Big Bang? Of course, The Big Foreplay."

"A man asks his wife... Husband: ""Honey, how come you never shout my name when you have an orgasm?"" Wife: ""Because you're never there."""

"Why do people knock on a locked public restroom door? And what is the person inside to say? ""who is it?"""

"""Damn do you have a wizard wand in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? ;)"" *pulls wand from pocket* ""I haven't been happy in years"""

"Got an MRI. Nurse asked if I had bad kidneys. Told her I won ""best kidneys"" in my high school yearbook. She didnt laugh. We didnt talk again"

"Just place a STUDENT DRIVER sticker on top of your car, and suddenly no one suspects you of drunk driving at 8am."