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Joke of the Day

"Got an MRI. Nurse asked if I had bad kidneys. Told her I won ""best kidneys"" in my high school yearbook. She didnt laugh. We didnt talk again"

"I try to accomplish epic missions before the microwave hits zero."

"What is a Dolphins favorite ingredient? All porpoise flour."

"What do you say to a black guy with a job? Keep at it, inmate!"

"A three legged dog walks into a bar.... And says, ""I'm looking for the man that shot my paw!"""

"Once you go lesbian, sometimes you go back."

"I had a dark bump on my arm checked out at my ontologist... I tried to get a diagnosis but instead he went on about reality and existence."

"Procrastination is like masturbation... ... it feels good while you're doing it, but you're only fucking yourself."

"What has four legs, two humps, and is given a copy of Metal Gear Solid for their computer? Revolver Camelot!"

"Why did the pioneers cross the country in covered wagons ? Because they didn't want to wait 40 years for a train !"