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Joke of the Day

"""Damn do you have a wizard wand in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? ;)"" *pulls wand from pocket* ""I haven't been happy in years"""

"My refrigerator just walked to my bedroom, opened the door, stood there and stared at me for five minutes, then it closed the door and left."

"What did Dracula say to the teacher? See you next period."

"Hey guys with the super loud mufflers on their cars. I used to put a baseball card in my bicycle wheel spokes. I was 12."

"Accidentally used 13's shower gel, so I just copped a huge attitude, yelled at everyone and slammed some doors."

"What did one tampon say to the other tampon? Nothing, they're both stuck up bitches."

"My friend always wants to talk about the scientific principle of buoyancy. It's not interesting to me, but hey, whatever floats your boat."

"I made this joke up. Man 1: Hey, I haven't seen you in a few days. What's up? Man 2: Oh, I went pearl diving in Ming Chao. Man 1: Oh? Where's Ming Chao? Man 2: She's getting dressed."

"Some days, my only goal that seems attainable is dying in a way so spectacular they name a new piece of protective legislation after me."

"What's the difference between a Zippo and a hippo? One's a little lighter."