113087

Joke of the Day

"The Maitre'D asked if we had reservations... I said, ""Yes, but when you're as hungry as we are you throw caution to the wind!"""

Next Joke
 
"A man walks into an eye doctor and asks to see the doctor... The nurse replies, ""Not with that eye!"""
"I left some acorns in the spot where I killed a squirrel because I'm thoughtful. Also because a gang of squirrels burned a cross in my yard."
"Getting to bed early so I can be well rested and fully alert for my morning anxiety."
"Genie: what is your first wish? Joe: I want to be rich Genie: Granted. And what is your second wish? Rich: I want lots of money"
"I hate when I can't understand what I'm eavesdropping on."
"Wife leaves keys on counter with a helpful note saying ""keys"" in case I thought they were llamas."
"Clinton is so crooked... She needs a Kaine for support. (Credit to: /u/medically)"
"Three tampons walk into a bar, a kotex, a playtex, and a tampax. Which one says hello first? None, they're all stuck up bitches."
"Microsoft is like a stripper. They don't like you, but they act like they do so you can give them more money."